Jann Arden wrote the song, “Good Mother,” which always makes me think of my mom. These are some of my favorite lyrics from the song:
I’ve got a good mother,
And her voice is what keeps me here.
Feet on ground,
Heart in hand,
Facing forward,
Be yourself.
I’ve never wanted anything.
No I’ve, no I’ve, I’ve never wanted anything so bad.
Reader
The reason I am an avid reader is because of my mom. I don’t have memories of her reading to me as a child. I’m sure she did.
If she were alive, I’d ask her. I don’t worry that I don’t have memories of reading with her. I have an awful memory. I have the memory skills of a rock, so it’s only natural that I wouldn’t remember when I was a kid.
I do remember that my mom loved reading. She was always reading. It was easy to shop for her at Christmas and her birthday. She loved crime mysteries, but read other kinds of books as well.
I may have inherited my shortness and headaches from her, but I also inherited her love of reading and books. My mom devoured books and so do I. I love getting lost inside the pages of a book. I thank her for my love of reading. I’m glad I share this quality with my mom.
Writer
My mom read everything I wrote including the good, the bad and the ugly. I would write a poem and rush out of my bedroom to share it with her. Sometimes I read them to her and sometimes she read them herself, especially if it were a story. She was encouraging, supportive, interested and caring. She was my biggest fan. She would voice a concern if something was a bit dark, but she didn’t prevent me from expressing myself through my words.
All through my writing journey, my mom was the first person to read my writing, even with miles between us.
When she died five years ago, I thought I’d write something to share at her wake. I couldn’t. I read lyrics to a song instead. I thought I’d write a story in her honor. I couldn’t. I still haven’t. I didn’t write for almost two years. I lost the person who had been a huge part of my writing. I didn’t know how to write without her with me. Sometimes I still feel like I’m struggling with this barrier that prevents me to write because she’s not here to read it. I push forward. I keep writing. I don’t have someone I absolutely want to show my writing to when I’m done with it anymore. However, I do find myself reading what I write out loud just in case she’s listening.
What broke me out of my writer’s block was a fiction-writing workshop at the community college. I almost didn’t go. I had no story ideas. I was blank. The instructor gave us a writing exercise and I struggled with what to write. I got some good advice and I wrote for the first time in nearly two years. When the people in my small group read my three page writing exercise, they laughed out loud. I made people laugh? What?! The instructor and the people in my group encouraged me to continue with this character. So, I did. I came up with this wacky, off beat character named Abby and she made me laugh. One day, I hope to finish her adventures because when I write about her, I smile and I laugh. It’s feel good writing.
It’s hard not having my mom here for some many reasons. I miss her every single day. I keep writing because I don’t know what to do if I didn’t write. I’d probably stare at the wall a lot. I don’t know if I believe in the idea that she’s still with me. I’d like to. I keep writing because part of me knows that I still share this part of me with my mom.
Thanks, mom. I miss you already. I miss you always.
~dt~
